The Boring Drone of an English Student

So it's been months and months and months since I went to the cinema. So here's a long overdue review.

-*-*-*-*-

I AM LEGEND

So, Will Smith’s latest film is called I Am Legend. No, it’s not the sequel to Ali, but with Smith dolled up as Mohammed Ali’s boxing legend daughter Laila. Cos that’ld be stupid. No, it’s the latest post-apocalypse film in a 28 Days Later stylee. Indeed, “stylee” probably isn’t the right word to use. It’s almost exactly like 28 Days Later, but set in the “capital” of America: New York. Basically, a virus gets lose (sound familiar?), kills half the world (yep), and turns the rest into mindless, savage zombies (de ja vu?). And almost no one survives. Cue eerie mid-day shot of a deserted Lon—I mean, New York.

Actually, the film ain’t half bad. Will Smith is a seriously underrated actor. Yeah, sure, his films are big box office draws, but ask anyone to name the top three great male film actors of the day, and it’s likely “Will Smith” won’t be on their list. Popular, but not critically acclaimed. Which is a shame: from Wild, Wild West to Men In Black to I, Robot to Ali to Independence Day – okay, scratch that last one – Will Smith is every inch the man. And, for all the ladies out there – and all the repressed homosexuals – there is a fantastic topless scene where sweaty Will Smith does some dirty exercises. Oh yeah.

Now, let’s talk real terms.

The visuals are truly stunning, even if we’ve (kinda) seen it before. The overgrown, deserted New York is genuinely believable and evocative. I mean, it’s been three years since the virus, so we wouldn’t expect to see a Tyrannosaurs or elephants running wild. And thank God, we don’t; one of the greatest compliments I could pay this film is, despite basically being an action film of sorts, it does not resort to over-the-top cheesiness to get the blood pumping.

The characterisation is spot on. You care for the characters, particularly Smith’s. There were times when I realised I was cringing, flinching, and biting my lip for the characters. That doesn’t happen too often in a cinema these days.

This film has the perfect balance of elements. Just the right amount of action; just the right amount of suspense; just the right amount of shocks; just the right amount of horror; just the right amount of humour. And, unlike some recent-ish post-apocalyptic films (ah-ah-choothedayaftertomorrow!!! Bless me), I Am Legend absolutely does not drip sickly, treacle American blockbuster sentimentality (ah-ah-choowaroftheworlds!!! Bless me again).

Despite inevitable comparisons, this film really is no rip off. Somehow, in spite of a very similar plot, I Am Legend is every bit its own. It is definitely not a poor man’s 28 Days Later (that honour ironically goes to 28 Weeks Later).

I give it 8.5 out of 10. I gave 28 Days Later 9.5 out of 10. So why isn’t I Am Legend quite as good as 28 Days Later? Two reasons. One, it lacks the psychological terror of the “enemy within” element. And two, it isn’t set in London.

-- Bryan A J Parry (30th Dec. 2007 11.45pm)

Hi anyone reading,

So I finished uni, got a First Class Honours, graduated a cupple of weeks ago, and now I'm working three part-time jobs, including English Language tutoring. So all is well.

I'm waaaaaaaaay more active at YouTube now, so catch me at http://youtube.com/profile?user=BryanAJParry if you're interested.

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/duallabelling/

Hi anyone reading this, here's a petition that you may or may nor want to sign. If not, no worries.

Bryan

Well, I haven't done this for a while. Particularly since I decided to stop writing for the uni paper. My last review was of Apocalypto... but I lost it before I could type it up!

Anyway....

FILM REVIEW: The War On Democracy

Award-winning journalist John Pilger’s The War On Democracy concerns itself with the United States’ imperialism in South America, and the consequent quashing of freedom and basic human rights.

It’s the latest film in what seems to be somewhat of a Renaissance in documentaries. I may find Michael Moore to be a grotesque, beard-sporting propagandist, but it seems hard to deny that his films are the cause of the recent revival of the documentary. I just watched Taking Liberties last week, an expose of sorts of how the government is using the threat of terror to take away our freedoms, and now this! I’m left salivating at the prospects of perhaps yet more hard-hitting social and political commentary docus to come.

First, let me say John Pilger’s film is highly entertaining. Slightly drier, and with less eye-candy than films such as Taking Liberties, The War On Democracy is nonetheless punctuated with dry humour that’ll make you laugh out loud. It’s well worth a watch. There is less the sense that we are watching a film, and more of watching a 96 minutes BBC news report. Take that as you will, but I like the news.

On the downside, I have to say some of the camera-work was positively heavy-handed. Going from a long shot, and quickly zooming to a close up as soon as the interviewee breaks down in tears, and holding the camera there, is not only amateurish in technique, but it is exploitative, too. Such tricks are see-through and cheapen Pilger’s message. And yet this method of invoking sympathy and emotion was used several times. It’s a shame, because at other times, the bare facts alone elicited strong emotions from me.

Overall, good stuff, but Taking Liberties is better. 7/10

So yeh, I always used to run and jump around as a "kid" (I'm only 22 and one half years old now, so not old, but not a "kid", per se). In fact, I won gold and silver at boro sports. So yeh. When I was ten/eleven, I could jump (from standing position), around six foot. By aged twelve, I could jump (running jump/long jump style) around fifteen feet, as I recall.

I was out just now, and thought, "I really wanna know how far I can jump".

I thought a running jump on concrete would be a particularly stupid idea. But what's stopping me from a standing jump?

But you know what, try as I might, I couldn't do it. It was a quiet street. No one was about. And yet I couldn't do it.

I was puzzled, but not because I didn't know the reason. I know the reason. I was ashamed. Ashamed to jump down the street. Even tho I wanted it badly. I was ashamed someone would see me and I would look idiotic.

And that's what "growing up" is, if you ask me. One day my mind will rebel and do away with these urges to jump cos I know I can't. And that is basically the final step in becoming a boring old fart.

Prevention is better than cure, as they say, and the first step in prevention is awareness of what will and won't cause an ailment's onset. Here's to hoping I don't succumb to the old age bug.

Yeh, so I got into the whole vlogging thing. Hence my not being here much any more. Here's my channel: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=BryanAJParry

"vlog" is an interesting word. It is formed from "video" and "blog". "Blog" itself is a shortening down from "weblog", "web" of course being the increasingly obsolete word for the internet, a shortform of the now totally obsolete "world wide web". Furthermore, "vlog" seems to violate English phonological constraints by beginning with a /vl-/; the only other words that begin English with vl- are names like "vladimyr".

HOW INTERERSTING!!!!!

This guy is amazing!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4

I got sent this right now, so here we are....

42 RATE GUD QUESTIONS 2 ANSWER AN PUT ON MYSPACE

^ 42 lol, duglas adams!

1. what is ur name?
Bryan

2. what is ur middle name?
Which one?

3. wht is ur uncles name?
Which one?

4. how old r u?
22

5. crispy or burnt?
What?

6. linoleum or tarmac?
Linoneum??

7. have u got a b/f / g/f?
You mean, a tranny?

8. wht is there name?
Where name?

9. there uncles name?
Where uncles name?

10. who would win in a fight- Godzilla or jack bauer?
Who is jack bauer?

11. who would win in a fight- jack bauer or ur mom (lmao ur mum is godzilla!)
Who is jack bauer?

12. how many cans of carlsberg export can u drink?
Depends.

13. what is ur shoe size?
10 or 11.

14. whats thi best religion (gods)?
Define "best".

15. have u read a book in the last 8 years- if yes skip to 17.
Yes.

16. r u an illiterate fuckwit?
Yes.

17. whas ur favourite industrial grade uranium fuel rod regulation algorithim?
Beige.

18. whos jeff?
From Akbar & Jeff fame?

19. how many underwears do u have in ur drawer?
"Underwear" is a collective noun.

20. how many underwears do u have on person?
What person? Also, "underwear" is a collective noun.

21. how many underwears doi u have on uver ppl?!
Huh? Furthermore, "underwear" is a collective noun.

22. how many underwears r soiled?
What? In the world?

23. how many underwars r soiled by uver PPL!!?!
My underwear is not soiled, therefore any soiled underwear is someone else's.

24. do you likeeminem?
I do.

25. do u like popular muisic? If yes skip to 28.
Yes.

26. Italian/french/germain/other opera?
No.

27. describe in 400 words thi themes n morals Giamocco Puccini was trying to shiow when he wrot e the opoera gianni schicchi an why he based the protagonist (who the opera is named fr) on a guy from Dante's work an stuff

You're quite knowledgeable on the topic of opera for an illiterate, aren't you?

28. how many frieds u got?
I have one packet of chips in my freezer. Its contents are not yet fried.

29. how mny close frieds?
None are presently in my proximity.

30. would u do any of them?
Do? You mean make? Make them into what?

31. even the men?
Even the men. How does one even men? What?

32. any good at school?
Who? You? The even men?

33. did u do anyhting morally backwrds 2 get the grades u needed?
Define "morally backwards"

34. if u did i've prolly seen it on the intrneyt
No, you haven't.

35. have you watched tv in the last 2 days
No.

36. did u see the weather forecast?
No.

37. who was presentin it?
The weatherman.

38. whos' ur fav weather presenter?
I don't watch telly.

39. wht do u think of Michael Fish?
Any relation?

40. wht do u think of Michael Moore?
I don't.

41 wht do u think of Michael Moore doing Fishing?
It depends on if Fishing doesn't mind being done.

41.b. wht do u think of Michael Fish doing Mooreing (a boat)?
So long as he doesn't talk about it in public, I don't mind.

41.c. wht do u tihnk of Michael Fish DOING Michael Moore (lol!)
Doing? Making?

42. if a terrorist bust into ur home and held you and ur family at gunpoint and said that he was going to rape ur family then make them hav sex with each other then he was goin 2 shit on them an then kill them and then shoot u in the knee caps then rape u then finally kill you UNLESS you were to insert a chocolate bar up ur anus..… what chocolate bar would u choose?
I'ld smash his face in with the wok whilst he was explaining the above.

once u have read this u have teh curse of uncle bulgaira of the wombles an the curse only lieves u when u pass this message on to 6 more people. If u do that then uncle B will protect you an u will never get STDs so u never need a condom again exept to stop teh babies. if u don't pass this 2 at least 6 ppl then thi next time u buy marks n spencers sushi it will taste rly bad. Rly.

Erm, anyone know what happened to her? :S

Yesterday, I came back from a cottage in Sussex with my family and a few close frends. We were in the middle of nowhere. We lived together, ate together, drank together. We made merry each day and each night. We ate obscene amounts of the finest foods. We drank obscene amounts of the finest of alcohol. We sat and talked and laffed by the burning fire. We gave gifts to each other. We enjoyed each others company. And huddled together, in the warmth, and away from the harshness of Winter raging outside, we reaffirmed our bonds.

To me, that is what "Christmas" is about. It is almost obscene, to me, a non-religious person, that Christmas should have anything to do with Jesus or God or any of that rubbish at all(!). I agree that Christmas has become "too commercialised" (altho, let's define the meaning of that another day). HOWEVER, the idea to me that Christmas has anything to do with God at all is, frankly put, ill.

It turns out that, back in the day, before Christianity, and before Christmas was so-called but was rather "Yule", that *IS* what Christmas was all about. Drinking and eating large amounts of food, singing songs, playing, talking, laffing, making-merry, and basically having a great time. Many of these old Heathen traditions are still with us. Mistletoe, holly, burning of the yulelog, the Christmas ham. There were also tales of the fiery old Gods Woden and Frey. These tales have been replaced by positively dreory ones about a little baby, his craddle, and a few visiting asses.

For Christians, this story is amazing. It's the story of the birth of mankind's savior. For those of us who are not at all religious- but who do not frown upon its existing, either, I must say- then it is nothing to do with Jesus, and he and the church are merely intruding on our ancient midwinter festivities. It's just that we've forgotten all the old tales about Woden and co.

So, to sum up, I use the term "Yule" to refer to the celebration that I have each winter. That re-affirming celebration of life, in which folk sing, dance, huddle together for warmth, companionship, and love, drink and eat copious amounts of fine food, and generally feel inlivened and help Winter be less a hard piece of depressing drudgery, and more a time of life and energy. Oddly, at my Winter cottage, some of us did not celebrate that festival. They celebrated the, supposedly reaffirming, but in reality superstitious and unfulfilling festival of the baby Jesus. But they kept that to themselves (including discretely going off to various masses). And I my religous views (or lack thereof) to me. And we celebrated heartily together.

It does tire me, tho, that Christians have to hijack this festival of life for their own, claiming that most people have forgotten the "true meaning" of Christmas. As far as I'm concerned, people may have just begun to remember.